Dear diary

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Dear diary

I’m sorry

For the burdens that

weigh heavy on your neck

I bet you have secrets

of your own

That you’d like to

get off your chest

But this an emergency

This is not a test

I’m palpitating, exasperated

And I can’t catch my breath

My heart is broken into pieces

And I can’t fix what’s left

The fault is mine. I wish to Jesus

That I didn’t die this death

©Jocsalyn Janay, 2018

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Going for Gold

I just watched Aly Raisman read her victim impact statement at Larry Nassar’s sentence hearing, and it was absolutely amazing. She spoke with so much grace and elegance. She was poised and fierce, and made her point very clear that she is not a victim, but a survivor. She also spoke about how so many girls were brushed aside when they came forward about their experiences with the doctor. I find that to be absolutely appalling. The fact that organizations such as the U.S.A. Gymnastics and U.S. Olympic Committee enabled this monster to continue practicing while dismissing the countless allegations against him makes me sick to my stomach. These organizations proved that they were only concerned about their athletes winning. They did not value these girls as human beings at all. It’s so heartbreaking to know that while I was watching these girls compete for medals, they were being molested and abused.

Aly and the other girls are not just winners at the Olympics, but they were winners in the courtroom. Their voices were heard loud and clear, and I’m so proud of them. I hope that they continue to heal and go on to live healthy lives.

Old Me

Look at all these birds I’m killing
throwing rocks at glass ceilings
Forget the pain i have no feelings
These scars are way too old for healing
and I guess it’s death to the old me
She won’t rest well
No R.I.P.
I can hear her wail
She won’t go quietly
not without a fight
I’m killing her silently
and kissing her goodnight

©Jocsalyn Janay 2018

A Supreme Bright Other

WARNING: The following film contains scenes of drug use. Viewer discretion is advised.

Last Tuesday Jhené Aiko released her third and final installment of her 3-part project, M.A.P. (movie, album, and poetry book). 2fish (a poetry book) has been highly anticipated since she released a surprise album Trip, on September 22nd. She released a short film by the same name just two days before.

Trip (the movie) follows the life of a young woman named Penny as she tries to navigate through life after losing her brother. She reluctantly takes a road trip with a stranger, and experiments with different types of drugs. While on the trip, Penny begins to accept the fact that her brother has passed and finds her way back to herself. The movie is emotional and captivating, containing original poetry written by Jhené Aiko.

Trip (the album) closely mirrors the movie, as Jhené processes her own feelings and emotions in dealing with the loss of her brother in real life. The 2 disc album serves somewhat as an audio diary as she expresses the pain of losing her brother. The album covers feelings of suicide, love, drug use, and hope.

I’ve been listening to Jhené Aiko’s music since her first single, “Dog” on B2K’s Pandemonium album, so I’m extremely proud of her. Being able to pull off a short film, an album, and book on top of touring is absolutely incredible and proof of Jhené Aiko‘s dedication to her art. She is in every sense a “supreme, bright other.” She also announced via twitter that she has been sober since the release of the album, so big kudos to her. I hope that she continues to find success and every good thing that comes along with it in the new year, and the years to come.

-xoxo

 

 

The Greatest

Back in 2015, I wrote a post about alcoholism, which highlighted songs from both singer, Sia and rapper, Kendrick Lamar. Two years later I find myself doing it again, only except this post is on a different note. In this post I’ll be highlighting Sia’s 2016 single, The Greatest, which features Kendrick Lamar.
First of all, I was so excited when I heard that Sia and Kendrick Lamar were on a song together. They are both extremely talented artists. In the song, Sia sings, “I’m free to be the greatest, I’m alive.” That’s basically the premise of the song, being free, alive, and great. This song has such an incredible message for anyone who’s ever felt like giving up or quitting. She even repeats, “Don’t give up” several times throughout the song. This song is so encouraging and it’s a song that everybody can relate to. It’s definitely been on repeat on my playlist! The music video is so haunting yet artistic, I just can’t stop watching it. The choreography is absolutely phenomenal. The kids are amazing. I’m sure by now everybody’s heard the song and seen the video, but if you haven’t (welcome back to earth. lol), go check it out! The Greatest is definitely one of the greatest songs written in the past couple of years, in my opinion. I love songs with a positive message. There’s so much negativity and horrible things happening in the world, for some people, music is their only escape. If you ever feel like giving up, remember that you’re alive for a reason. You have all of the freedom to be yourself and nobody can ever take that away from you, no matter how hard they try. In Kendrick’s verse, he talks about how his scars and letdowns only made him stronger. I don’t believe that Kendrick is an exception. I believe that anyone can turn their stumbling blocks into stepping stones if they don’t give up.

Contact, hi

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Ahhh, the holiday season… Time for connecting or reconnecting with friends and loved ones. Picking up where you left off, reminiscing on old memories, and creating new ones, -if only I could find their phone numbers…
Ok, I’ll admit it. When it comes to keeping in touch with people, I’m not that great. It’s not that I don’t want to stay in touch, I do, honestly. It’s just that somehow, I just lose touch. I’m a texter, I love texting and social media. To me, it’s one of the greatest things to ever happen to the phone. I rarely ever actually talk to anybody on the phone. Maybe it’s my introverted personality, but being on the phone any longer than five minutes with someone is absolute torture. And it’s always been that way. I’ve watched my mom hold telephone conversations for over an hour in pure amazement. I don’t know how she does it. If I’m not shooting you a text within 5 seconds of receiving your phone number or vice versa, chances are that I’ll lose it. On the other hand, if I do have your number or social media handle, you can expect messages on birthdays and all of the holidays! I’ve also got a thing for greeting cards. I absolutely love shopping for the perfect card. So I guess I’m not at a complete loss when it comes to keeping in touch, but there’s definitely room for improvement, and I’m up for the challenge.

-Until next time, xoxo