Archive | May 2016

Ripped from the journal

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So today I woke up with tears in my eyes. I was just really frustrated about my situation and all and I knew that some time today I was gonna get that same lecture from mom about how I need another job because there’s no money coming in and blah, blah, blah. So as I looked in the closet to find something to slip on to take her to work. I didn’t feel like wearing jeans because it was pretty warm out, but I felt this nudging to put on my mint green top with my white pants and mint green shoes. At first I was like no, I wanna save that for when I go somewhere, but I couldn’t really decide on anything else that didn’t involve jeans so I got dressed and felt pretty. I just knew that for some reason by the time she got out the bathroom and I got in that she’d be rushing me so I went in to do my bun, and what do you know, she’s ready to go. So I finished up and grabbed my shoes and went to the car. That’s when the lecture started. I felt mocked and patronized about wanting to finish school. By the time I dropped her off I felt horrible and really just wanted to go home, but I needed a phone card so I went to target. Before leaving home I had that same nudging to go visit Stephanie but again at this time I just wanted to go back home because I felt so crappy. After leaving target that feeling was still there nudging me so I said okay I’ll just drive past to see if her car’s there and if not I’ll turn back and go home. I drive past and her car was there so I’m like okay I guess I gotta go in. So I do and see her around the corner; by the time I get there, she’s on her way back and sees me. We hug and say hi and she asks how k-mart’s going, and I’m like it’s aight (you know not really alright but ok). Then she says you wanna work here? jokingly I say yeah, and she’s like hold on. When she comes back she says sit down Peter’s gonna interview you! I was like what?! I pretty much got it he just needs to talk with Carlos about it. And of course I need a food card and pants, etc. But I listened to that still small voice nudging at me and look what happened. I love the way God sets me up. His timing is perfect.

Broken

Ignorance was bliss

If only for an hour

Shame on me

Wanting to be you

So thirsty for your power

With everything to lose

I bit into the fruit

My evil heart exposed

Now everything goes

In a broken world

I’m a queen disposed

A broken girl

© Jocsalyn Janay, 2016